What’s ahead for late summer signs, from Cancers taking cues from the Golden Girls to Virgos living on their version of the culinary edge.
Each zodiac sign has a shadow side: the less-than-stellar quirks that hide in the dark. These undernourished parts of the soul manifest as cosmic cravings in the witching hours. Only the most delicious guilty pleasures will suffice—cheese-centric convenience foods, gut bombs, and over-processed impulse buys from the freezer or bodega. Embrace your dark side by indulging in cheeses that mirror these decadent delights. Snack like no one’s watching!
CANCER
Shadow-side signature: Maudlin, nostalgic, smothering
Midnight snack: Cheesecake with caramel sauce + A pot of Earl Grey tea
Guilty pleasure pairing: Baked Lemon Ricotta
Origin: Italy
Milk: Cow and Buffalo
+ Werther’s Original Hard Caramels + Iced tea
What keeps a Cancerian up late at night? Most likely pouring over a scrapbook of times gone by with a clutch of her most cherished crabettes. But when sisterly revelries blur into misty-eyed walks down memory lane, Cancer knows a formidable slice of cheesecake will fortify her crew. The sugar rush alone would snap anyone out of a sentimental sobbing fit. Take it from those doyennes, the Golden Girls, who declared “cheesecake fixes everything!” between decadent bites.
LEO
Shadow-side signature: Haughty, drama queen, excessive
Midnight snack: TGI Friday’s Loaded Cheddar & Bacon Potato Skins + Dubai chocolate espresso martini
Guilty pleasure pairing: Hervé Mons 1924 Bleu
Origin: France
Milk: Cow and Sheep
+ Pistachio dark chocolate bar + Tawny Port wine
As far as Leo is concerned, the party doesn’t start until after midnight. Everything else is simply pre-gaming. When this flamboyant feline finally saunters home at sunrise, he rewards his dedicated entourage with hors d’oeuvres as debauched as the discos they’ve closed out. Glistening, golden, and bejeweled with bits of bacon, these regal potato skins are a showstopper fit for the king of the nightclub jungle—and perhaps the only thing that can send this nocturnal prowler to sleep.
VIRGO
Shadow side signature: Rigid, basic, piercing
Midnight snack: Grilled Cheese with Kraft Singles American Cheese Slices on Wonder Bread + Capri-Sun
Guilty pleasure pairing: Tillamook Medium Cheddar Snacks
Origin: US
Milk: Cow
+ Mini toast crackers + Fruit punch hard seltzer
The quest for personal perfection is famishing work. During the daylight hours, prim and proper Virgo dedicates herself to wholesome wellness routines and creating order out of chaos. But even rule followers need to get a little messy. The maiden of the harvest savors the oxymoron of rigor and sloppiness in one irresistible snack: a grilled cheese sandwich. Basic but oh so satisfying, this crispy creation overflows with America’s mystifying melty icon. Who knew a square meal could feel like living on the edge?
Alana M. Miller
Sun: Aquarius | Moon: Aquarius | Rising: Libra Alana is an avid cook, party-organizer, and archivist who not-so-secretly wants to be a cheese librarian (aka cheesemonger). With her Sun and Moon in Aquarius, she delights in creating systems and then disrupting them – perhaps this is why she sought to merge the taxonomy of cheese and mythology of the zodiac. She has published writing in Broccoli Mag, The Billfold, and the Museum of Modern Art’s Inside/Out blog. She is also co-creator and co-host of the podcast The Soak. When not compiling her own cheese card catalog, Alana enjoys spending time with her beehives, cats, and queso-obsessed husband in the San Francisco Bay Area.
Janet Konz
Sun: Aries | Moon: Leo | Rising: Virgo Janet has been astrology-obsessed from an early age. She’s pretty sure her first search on AskJeeves.com was “aries + astrology.” Janet’s exuberance and eagerness to get into the fray is a testament to her Sun in Aries. She is an astrology-savant, musician, raconteur, esthetician, and hairdresser-extraordinaire, all of which give her ample opportunity to scrutinize everyone’s signs and make cosmic connections. She resides in Brooklyn with her vegan companion.
