Articles written by Alana M. Miller
Sun: Aquarius | Moon: Aquarius | Rising: Libra Alana is an avid cook, party-organizer, and archivist who not-so-secretly wants to be a cheese librarian (aka cheesemonger). With her Sun and Moon in Aquarius, she delights in creating systems and then disrupting them – perhaps this is why she sought to merge the taxonomy of cheese and mythology of the zodiac. She has published writing in Broccoli Mag, The Billfold, and the Museum of Modern Art’s Inside/Out blog. She is also co-creator and co-host of the podcast The Soak. When not compiling her own cheese card catalog, Alana enjoys spending time with her beehives, cats, and queso-obsessed husband in the San Francisco Bay Area.
It’s Scorpio Season
It’s 2:33 a.m. and Scorpio scurries into her dark kitchen to forage by the light of the fridge. It’s in her nature to dig deep, so she claws her way into the cold cavern searching for forgotten treasures. Her prize is a relic of feasts past: three slices of leftover pepperoni pizza encased in foil and a half-bottle of table wine. The cheese is cold and rubbery. The wine has oxidized and coats her tongue with tannins. But nothing tastes as sweet to a loner nightcrawler as a meal savored in solitude and steely silence.
A Cheesy Fall Horoscope for Libra Season
Did you know that cheese pairs perfectly with the Zodiac? Send this to your favorite Libra and read on to get inspiration for your first cheese pairing of fall. People-pleasing Libra is perpetually balancing the scales of others’ desires. He can never just choose one snack and call it a day. What if he misses […]
Cheese Horoscopes for Cancer, Leo, and Virgo
Each zodiac sign has a shadow side: the less-than-stellar quirks that hide in the dark. These undernourished parts of the soul manifest as cosmic cravings in the witching hours. Only the most delicious guilty pleasures will suffice—cheese-centric convenience foods, gut bombs, and over-processed impulse buys from the freezer or bodega. Embrace your dark side by indulging in cheeses that mirror these decadent delights. Snack like no one’s watching!
Horoscopes for Aries, Taurus, and Gemini
Each zodiac sign has a shadow side: the less-than-stellar quirks that hide in the dark. These undernourished parts of the soul manifest as cosmic cravings in the witching hours. Only the most delicious guilty pleasures will suffice—cheese-centric convenience foods, gut bombs, and over-processed impulse buys from the freezer or bodega. Embrace your dark side by indulging in cheeses that mirror these decadent delights. Snack like no one’s watching!
Horoscopes for Capricorn, Aquarius, and Pisces
What’s ahead for winter signs: snacking, snacking, and more snacking! Each zodiac sign has a shadow side: the less-than-stellar quirks that hide in the dark. These undernourished parts of the soul manifest as cosmic cravings in the witching hours. Only the most delicious guilty pleasures will suffice—cheese-centric convenience foods, gut bombs, and over-processed impulse buys […]
Cheese Horoscopes for Scorpio & Sagittarius
Brought to you by Astrolocheese Did you know the zodiac pairs perfectly with cheese? Fall-going-into-winter signs: Read your cheesy horoscope below! SCORPIO Stellar essence: Intense, alchemical, reclusive Cosmic pairings: Roquefort Hoshigaki Sauternes Mysterious Scorpio is all about savoring dark delights from hidden depths. She thrives when lurking in the shadows with Pluto, the overlord of the […]
Fall Cheese Horoscopes for Virgo & Libra
Brought to you by Astrolocheese Did you know the zodiac pairs perfectly with cheese? Fall signs: Read your cheesy horoscope below! VIRGO Stellar essence: Meticulous, analytical, dutiful Cosmic pairings: Dill Havarti Crudités Rosemary Crackers BrightLeaf Chamomile Lavender Sparkling Tea Fastidious Virgo suffers no fools. Guided by Mercury, the airborne conduit of intel, and Demeter, the timekeeping […]
Cheesy Summer Horoscopes for Gemini, Cancer, and Leo
Brought to you by Astrolocheese. Did you know the zodiac pairs perfectly with cheese? Summer signs: Read your cheesy horoscope below! GEMINI Stellar essence:extroverted, curious, raconteur Cosmic pairings: Comté Morbier Salted Caramels Lesley Stowe Raincoast Crisps Cranberry and Hazelnut Crackers Dry Riesling Garrulous Gemini’s love language is communication. The celestial twins, ruled by mischievous messenger god […]
Cheesy Spring Horoscopes for Pisces, Aries, and Taurus
Brought to you by Astrolocheese. Did you know the zodiac pairs perfectly with cheese? Spring signs: Read your cheesy horoscope below! PISCES Stellar Essence: Otherworldly, chimerical, intuitive Cosmic Pairings: Meredith Dairy Marinated Farmstead Sheep & Goat Cheese Origin: Australia Milk: Sheep and Goat Accompaniments: Pickled Caper Berries Salty Black Licorice Gin Martini with Preserved Lemon […]
