A 200-lb. horned goat has escaped its home in Tewksbury, Massachusetts, late Friday evening. Despite a vigorous, uh, goat-hunt on the part of the Lowell Police Department, as of 7 p.m. Monday evening, the caprine remains at large.
The Lowell Police have released a statement asserting that, while their young are probably the most adorable creatures to walk this earth, goats can become aggressive when defending themselves. Or when trying to prove their innocence while being unceasingly pursued by a relentless Tommy Lee Jones, whom we can only assume automatically leads investigations of this sort:
“Although goats are normally docile animals, in stressful situations, such as being loose in unfamiliar territory, he possibly can become scared and resort to attacking in a survival mode.”
Dennis the Goat, meanwhile, has not kept his silence during his run from authorities, creating a Twitter feed documenting his travails.
@TheLowellGoat @jpaluzziSun we're just looking out for your best interest. We don't want you to get hurt
— Lowell PD (@LowellPD) December 27, 2014
I'd like to thank the great @LowellPD for keeping the streets safe for me while I continue my reign of mild discontent throughout the city.
— The Lowell Goat (@TheLowellGoat) December 27, 2014
Police have not yet released an artist’s depiction of the Most Wanted Billy Goat, so we have created one for you:
Grant Bradley
Grant Bradley is culture's former web editor and never ceases to thank his nameless human ancestor who figured that leaving some milk around for a while and then eating it was probably a great idea. Raised on California’s Central Coast, educated in the Pacific Northwest, and transplanted to New England, Grant likes to write, edit, and code things.
