The holidays are coming, and with the holidays come holiday parties. This year, don’t be that person who sits in the corner and doesn’t really do anything during a party, especially if there’s a cheese plate involved. Own that party, and eat your cheese like a boss. Here are some tips on how to do that.
Use A Fancy Cheese Knife
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This is an “icing on the cake” detail that people are bound to notice. Serving your cheese on a beautifully crafted or hilariously clever cheese knife will only boost your level of impressiveness. Check out these cheese knives for some ideas!
Wear a Monocle
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Monocles automatically make you look fancy. Look at this guy. Look at how fancy he is. Why aren’t these in style anymore? I still don’t know.
Add a Top Hat to that Monocle
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Wearing a monocle is fancy enough, but throw a top hat in there and you’re almost too fancy to handle. Seriously, if you want to look the part, this is the way to go. Let’s bring this back. This is high fashion.
Grow a Moustache
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Think about it – Dumbledore, Mr. Han, Ron Swanson – what do all these wise men have in common? Moustaches. Epic moustaches. I’m not saying moustaches are the sole indicator of wisdom… but look at this picture of Ron Swanson. Does it look like he doesn’t know his way around a cheese plate?
Wear Red Lipstick
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If you can’t grow a mustache, this is probably your best alternative. Red lipstick oozes class and sophistication. If you can find one that doesn’t smudge while you’re eating cheese, that’s even better.
Know What You’re Talking About
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You don’t want to be like this guy. Brush up on your cheese knowledge! Know what types of cheese you’re serving, and maybe a fun fact about them if you’re the overachieving type. We have everything you need for this in our Cheese Library!
Try an Odd Pairing
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Cheese and chocolate? Cheese and dried fruit? Cheese and beer? Pairings go beyond the typical box of crackers and bottle of wine. If you really want to wow your guests, try a pairing they won’t expect. Unsure of where to start? Check out our latest pairings issue!
Smell Your Cheese Before You Eat It
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This shows your observational skills, and makes it look like you know what you’re doing (even if you don’t). Have doubts? Check out this video!
Buy Cheese From a Cheesemonger
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As Tom Haverford once said “Treat yo self!” Unless you mainly shop at a specialty market, your everyday grocery store isn’t going to have the best cheese you can get. Visit a specialty cheese shop, or maybe even a farmer’s market. Check out this article for ones in your local area, or the back of one of our magazines!
Wear a Morphsuit
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These things are ridiculous and quite terrifying. If you can master eating cheese in a morphsuit, without breaking the illusion of the morphsuit, you win. You will be the ultimate boss of eating cheese.
Win an Issue
How do you like to make yourself look like a boss while eating cheese? Let us know in the comments for a chance to win a free edition of culture: the word on cheese magazine! Post your comment by 11:59 p.m. on Sunday, November 30, 2014 for a chance to win. Issues can only be mailed within the continental US.
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Amanda Doughty
Amanda Doughty considers cheese to be an essential part of her upbringing, as her family owns Anthony's Italian Kitchen, an Italian restaurant in Portland, Maine. She studied creative writing at Emerson, where she was considered an outcast for refusing to touch the disgusting pizza in the Dining Hall. She admits that is a bit of a food snob, especially when it comes to pizza and cheese.
